Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
