yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
