i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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