i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
