Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
operation harelip BJ is a go
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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