Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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