He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
