ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
