I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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