we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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