So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
