the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
