I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
