We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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