I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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