Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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