God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
