Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
