I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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