i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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