The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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