woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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