I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
