Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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