I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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