she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
