Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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