if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
