On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i would punch a child for taco bell
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sext me about skeletons
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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