He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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