they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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