So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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