Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
