Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
