we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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