I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
