what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
