I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
