My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
