so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
