I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
