i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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