I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Plan B is the new Plan A
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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