Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
