She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
