That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
