everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
