Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i will never coherently bang her
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
