Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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