next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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