I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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