I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
