Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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