I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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