A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.