ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.