One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
