so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you had me at cake vodka
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.