we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
