Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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