I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
