He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
