Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
