I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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