Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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