Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
