the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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