If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
