"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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