I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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