you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
