just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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