this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
