After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
