i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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