pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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